The Price of Perfection
by Lauradane
Summary: Raph and Mikey challenged Leo's authority. Leo now questions his worth as both leader and brother. Will Leo find the answers he's looking for? I do not own any TMNT characters, only my OC, who bears my namesake.
1. Introduction

**Introduction**

My name is Hamato Leonardo. I'm the oldest of my brothers and the leader of our team. At least, I'm supposed to be. Right now, I'm not so sure I want to be. You see, right now I'm very angry with my brothers. To be more specific, it's mostly with Raphael. Now, I sit here pondering what exactly my place is and just how much my brothers "actually" need me. I'm starting to think they don't really need me at all. How did it come to this, you ask? Well, let me tell you a story...

* * *

**This is an idea I had for a Leo one-shot, but I'm not sure if I will keep it as such. It may be a multiple chapter story. Anyway, leave your reviews and thoughts below and let me know what you think. Thanks!**

**~Lauradane**


	2. The Price of Perfection: Ch One

** Chapter One**

_Leo_

Today began like any other day. I woke up early in the morning; five o'clock a.m., to be exact. I climbed out of bed and fixed the covers; neatly, of course. Next, I fully dressed in my gear. Unsheathing my katanas, I carefully placed them on the bed. I sat down on the edge of the bed and reached underneath it to pull out my polishing kit. (Next to my katanas, this was probably my favorite possession.) I placed the kit next to me on the bed and opened it. Inside was my polishing cloth and a jar of cleaner placed neatly side by side. I took out the cloth and after unfolding it I placed it on my knee. Then, I took out the jar and opened it, holding it in my right hand. I picked up the cloth again, dipped it into the jar and began polishing my katanas. This took some time, but I was pleased with the results. My katanas had a nice sheen to them. I replaced the lid on the jar, refolded the cloth, placed them both back in the kit, and tucked the kit under my bed.

Upon standing, I resheathed my katanas. I performed a series of stretches to warm up before training. Feeling ready to face the day, I headed to the dojo smiling to myself because training was my favorite part of the day.

When I reached the dojo, Master Splinter was already there. He was kneeling in the center of the room. His eyes were closed and he was in a deep, meditative trance. I decided to join him. I knelt down next to him, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath to begin meditation.

"Good morning, my son," I heard him say.

"Good morning, Sensei," I replied.

We continued meditating in silence. I loved these early mornings with Sensei. I could clear my mind of any distracting thoughts. This would allow me to begin the day in a calm mood. Mostly though, it helped me to feel closer to Master Splinter by having this time alone with him. I smiled at the very thought of this.

Before long, I heard the sound of footsteps and then the loud chattering of my brothers as they filed into the dojo. I tried to concentrate on my meditation, but inevitably could not. I sighed inwardly. _These morning sessions never seem long enough, _I thought to myself, feeling a slight pang of disappointment. Nonetheless, I opened my eyes as one by one Raph, Donnie, and Mikey knelt down next to me, in that order.

Splinter opened his eyes, too, and rose from where he was kneeling. He watched as my brothers settled into position. He smiled as he looked upon us. I've grown to really love that smile. It was the warm smile from a father who truly loves you. However, as quickly as it appeared, his smile faded, leaving him with a stoic expression. It was time for training to begin.

"In battle, your mind and body must be as one," Splinter began. I listened intently as Splinter explained the connection between mind and body, and why it was important to train your mind as well as your body. A well-trained mind will work with your body, not against it. Your movements will become more fluid as your mind and body work as one.

Before I knew it, Sensei had finished. This meant that the next session of training would now start: sparring. I liked sparring because I could practice my skills to near perfection and test out any new ones I've learned.

I waited anxiously as Sensei paired us off and gave us our instructions. Mikey. Sensei had paired me with Mikey. I love my baby brother, don't get me wrong, but he was a bit scatterbrained. Sensei had once mentioned that, of the four of us, Mikey had the biggest potential and a natural ability. If only he would focus... That was so frustrating! If he would just focus, he'd be unstoppable!

I got into ready position and watched while Mikey got into his. He stood as if ready, his nunchakus quickly twirling. Then, backflip. Backflip. Backflip. Backflip. I inwardly groaned. _Are you kidding me?! _I thought to myself. _Why can't you be more serious for once?_

"C'mon, Mikey. Focus," I found myself saying and noted that I seem to say that to him a lot.

He responded with a raspberry, followed by, "Aww, c'mon Leo. Lighten up!"

I gritted my teeth all while attempting to claim some semblance of order in our "training." I kept thinking, _There's nothing wrong with me. _Training was important, and as leader, I needed to make sure they all knew that.

I never thought that I would be happy to end a sparring session, but I was relieved to hear Sensei's voice, "Yame," meaning I was done with Mikey. We each took turns pairing off and sparring. Pairing off with Donnie was fairly simple. He relies too much on his mind and overthinks his moves. Pairing off with Raph was challenging, but uneventful, oddly enough. Little did I know then that our real match would begin after we finished training for today.

Once again I heard Sensei say, "Yame!" Raph and I halted. Then, after resheathing my katanas, I clasped my hands together and bowed to him, formally ending our training. Raph just shrugged it off and nonchalantly replied, "Whatever you say, Fearless Leader."

I instantly froze, and glared at him. I hate when he says that, especially with such contempt. He knows just how to get under my shell. Spotting Mikey, I decided to deal with him first.

I walked away from Raph, and headed towards Mikey who was already immersed in his handheld game. This was not going to be easy. It was hard enough trying to get his attention when he wasn't playing games. I did the only thing I could think of to do. I grabbed the game out of his hands.

"Hey! Leo...," Mikey responded angrily.

"We need to talk, Mikey," I answered him.

"But, Leo," Mikey whined. "I just got to level 14!"

I just looked sternly at him. One thing about Mikey was that he relented easily. _Raph, on the other hand... _I shoved the thought from my mind. Mikey first.

"Mikey," I began. "What happened in there today?"

"What? I was just having fun," he answered simply.

"Mikey," I continued. "There's a time to have fun and a time to be serious. Training is one of those times to be serious. When we train we sharpen our skills as well as learn new ones, both of which will help us in combat."

"Lighten up, Fearless Leader, will you?" came Raph's voice as he walked over to me. "Mikey knows what to do. He doesn't need you to remind him all the time."

I gritted my teeth and turned to face Raph. _Why does he always do that? Who does he think he is, anyway?_

"I was talking to Mikey," I replied, as calmly as I could.

"Well, like I said, he doesn't need you on his shell," Raph answered.

"He needs to take his training seriously, Raph," I retorted.

"Why? So he can be perfect, like you?" Raph challenged.

"I never said I was perfect," I snapped.

"Well, you sure act like it," Raph snapped back. "Mikey is doing just fine without you. In fact, we _all _are! We don't need you to tell us what to do!"

Anything else I was going to say stalled in my throat. I was so stunned that I couldn't speak. All I could do was stare at Raph with my mouth open. After a minute or so, I snapped back to reality and shifted my gaze from Raph to Mikey and back again. Raph's words resonated through my mind. _ We don't need you... _Is that what they really thought? Suddenly, the lair felt a little too small. I felt that I had to leave or I would suffocate. Without a word, I ran towards the sanctuary of my bedroom.

* * *

That night, I dreamed of my brothers. They were floating around me, mocking me. In a sing-song fashion they told me, "We don't need you."

I woke up in a cold sweat and with more questions than answers. What if they really don't need me? Why am I their leader then? What purpose do I serve? I didn't know. I needed answers, but I knew that I wouldn't find them here. I had to get out of here.

TBC

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**Well, it's been a while since I've posted anything on here. I won't bore you with all the details, but I decided to finally continue this story. I hope you enjoyed it so far and please review. As I've heard others say time and time again, "Feeding the muse helps move the story along." Thanks, and I'll see you next time. :)**

**~Lauradane**


	3. The Price of Perfection: Ch Two

**Chapter Two**

_Donnie_

I opened my eyes and picked my head up off the desk. I groaned at the stiffness in my neck. I tilted my head toward my right shoulder and then to my left shoulder in an attempt to relieve the strain. It only minorly helped. Pushing the chair away from the desk, I stood. After lacing my fingers together I lifted my arms over my head, stretching the muscles. It helped even more and now I could think clearer.

I didn't understand how I woke up in here. I know I spend a lot of time in my lab inventing useful items for the guys to use, or creating an antidote when one (or most) of us are affected by something, but Leo will usually find me and make me go to bed. Then, he'll remind me the next day about the dangers of falling asleep in my lab. Come to think of it, I don't remember seeing Leo at all last night.

_That's strange_, I thought to myself. I tried thinking back to yesterday. I remember that after training, Leo went to talk to Mikey. Then, I remember Raph getting into the middle of it and Raph and Leo getting into an argument, again. Not wanting to be involved, I had come in here. I don't remember seeing Leo after that. He and Raph have their share of fights, but they usually work it out after a while and apologize and forgive each other. To not have that happen this time...

I got a very uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Turning on my heel, I sprinted out of the lab, not even bothering to close the door. I did a quick search of the living room and the kitchen, but no one was there. _What time is it? _I thought. Glancing at the clock above the stove, I saw that it was 6:30 a.m. This only caused my uneasiness to grow. Leo is usually up by now. _The dojo! _I thought excitedly. _He must be in there with Master Splinter! _Making my way over to the dojo, I peeked inside. Master Splinter was there silently meditating, but Leo wasn't there with him.

I frowned with worry at this, wondering what could have happened to Leo? Was he sick? That would certainly explain why he was nowhere to be found. Leaving the dojo as quietly as I could to avoid disturbing Master Splinter, I decided to check up on Leo. Crossing the lair, I came up to Leo's room and knocked lightly on the door.

"Leo?" I asked gently.

No answer.

I knocked again, only louder this time.

"Leo, are you okay?" I asked; again, a little louder.

Still no answer.

I tried the handle and was surprised to find it unlocked. When Leo wants to be alone, he usually locks the door and it's like trying to get into Fort Knox when we try to come in. Something was wrong. I could feel it. Nervously, I twisted the handle and opened the door. I was greeted by an empty room. Everything was in order. A stack of tactical books as well as one about Japanese history sat neatly stacked on a shelf to the right side of the room. On the left side of the room was Leo's bed, neatly made. Placed directly in the center of the bed where the pillow meets the mattress was a small, white envelope.

_This is not good, _I thought as I tentatively reached for the envelope. Glancing one more time around Leo's room I noticed something. While his room had the appearance of order, something was glaringly causing disorder. Leo's katanas were missing.

I drew in a shaky breath as I turned my attention back to the small envelope I held in my hand. I peeled back a corner and then tore open the envelope. Inside was a pale blue piece of crisply folded paper, a note. I removed it from the envelope, unfolded it, and began reading.

For once in my short life as a genius, I couldn't make sense of what Leo had written. What did he mean? I was suddenly reminded of Leo's and Raph's exchange from yesterday. I gasped and narrowed my eyes muttering, "Raph." With note in hand, I left Leo's room. Marching over to Raph's room, I pounded on the door.

TBC

R&amp;R


	4. The Price of Perfection: Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

_Raph_

**_*_****Pound* *Pound* *Pound***

"Go away!" I half-mumbled, and half-growled.

***Pound* *Pound* *Pound***

"Arrgh!" I growled to myself, not wanting to get up, but tearing myself away from my bed nonetheless. I shuffled over to my door and angrily flung it open.

"What do you-" I started to demand before realizing that the figure greeting me was not who I expected it to be. Donnie stood before me with glassy, tear-filled eyes that looked as if they would spill over at any moment. He was clutching something in his hand. Not sure what to make of this I asked, "Donnie?"

He held up his hand and thrust the object at me. A flash of anger crossed his features

"What did you do?!" he demanded.

I have no idea what I did. What was he even talking about?

"Donnie, what do you mean? What are you-" I tried asking, completely confused, but Donnie cut me off.

"You have no idea, do you?" he asked tensely.

I was starting to get angry. He better start making sense real quick.

"Donnie, if you don't start making sense-" I answered, but all he did this time was point to the object he had thrust at me.

"Read," he responded in a low voice as he crossed his arms over his plastron. I looked at the object in my hand and realized it was a note, and not just any note. Only one of us had blue paper. Leo. Judging from Donnie's current condition, it couldn't be good news.

I was suddenly filled with dread at having to read whatever was on that note. However, with Donnie right here I had no choice. Sighing, I opened the note and began to read aloud.

"**_Dear Raph, Donnie, and Mikey,_**

**_Growing up, I have always been regarded as your big brother. I have always taken that seriously. I felt that it was my duty to watch over and protect you. I would train harder and longer so I could do that. I would take care of you when you were sick or injured, and when you'd hurt, I'd hurt._**

**_Recently, I've noticed that I seem to be more of a hindrance to you than a help. However, to find out that I am not needed is more than I can bear. So I've decided to get out of your way. Please tell Master Splinter that I'm sorry. Goodbye, my brothers._**

**_ -Leo"_**

I thought back to yesterday. Leo was just being Leo. He wants nothing but goodness for Mikey, for all of us. I had to go and ruin it. I gave him a hard time. I insulted him. I told him we didn't need him. Now he's gone, and I'm the reason why.

A wave of guilt washed over me. I didn't know what to say. I glanced at Donnie. Seeing the hurt and confusion in those big, brown eyes became too much for me. Lowering my eyes, I trained my gaze on my feet. I attempted to speak.

"Donnie, I-" I stammered.

"How could you, Raph?" Donnie asked, the pain evident in his voice. "You argue with Leo without even thinking how it would affect the rest of us. Now, Leo's gone because of you!"

I watched as Donnie turned and walked away from me. He was right. How could I have been so stupid? I always claim to have Leo's back, but I do this? He's my best friend, and this is how I treat him? I give him a hard time any chance I get, second-guess his orders, and insult him? Leo usually takes it in stride. I guess even he has a breaking point, and it's because of me. I broke him.

I couldn't just let him go. I had to make this right. I will make this right, even if I have to go after him by myself. I would find Leo and get him to come back home.

TBC


	5. The Price of Perfection: Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

_Leo_

They really don't need me? Even thinking the thought sounded ridiculous. However, I couldn't shake the feeling of despair settling over me. I have never felt so alone before. Do they all feel that way, like Raph said? That can't be right. Raph said it. He says a lot of things in anger. Then again, no one said anything otherwise. Even Mikey, and he's never quiet. And Donnie... he's so smart. Why _would_ he need me?

And what about Master Splinter? I can talk to him about many things, but not this. Besides, somehow it would fall on my shoulders anyway. He would say something like, "The burden of leadership is yours, and yours alone" or "A leader must do what is right, not what's easy." No, I can't talk to him. I guess I really am alone_._

I wandered through the sewer tunnels, lost in my thoughts. It had been hours since I left the lair; my old home, where I am no longer welcome. I have no idea where I will go, but I can't go back home. _Home,_ I scoff. _I don't have a home anymore._

A lone rat scurried past my foot. My heart tightened as I thought of Master Splinter. He has always been a wonderful sensei and an excellent father. Whenever any of us were hurt or feeling down, he was always there to help us feel better. Whenever we needed space, he would give it to us. Whenever we needed advice, he would listen patiently and offer words of wisdom.

I wish I could go to him for words of wisdom right now. He would be able to help make things right between my brothers and me. I can't go back, though. They don't need me. They made that abundantly clear. Sighing, I continued walking through the tunnels.

Casey and April came to mind. Perhaps they could help. Well... April, at least. She is very good at solving problems. Then again, she may just make me go back instead. I can't. I just can't. I can't go back where I am not wanted. However, I could really use a friend right now.

I quietly sighed, but kept moving. The sewers were a labyrinth of tunnels and one could easily get lost. Even having lived down here my entire life, I needed to be careful. You never know what you might find: mutant alligator, crazed "king" of rats, a sudden drop to your doom, or worse... the Foot and Shredder.

Staying alert and aware of my surroundings, I continued on. The rush of flowing water and the steady drip of the pipes was strangely calming. A turtle could relax, if only slightly. I would be free. Free from the constant arguing with Raph. Free from constantly needing to prod Mikey to do, well, anything. Free from the constant pressure - the constant stress. Just free.

The more I walked, the more tired I grew. It was time to rest. I found a dimly lit tunnel opening that was mostly concealed in the shadows and crawled into it. After listening for any threatening sounds and hearing none, I closed my eyes and let darkness envelop me like a warm blanket.

_TBC_

**I really hate writer's block. Sorry about the late update, but the muses have not been kind. I could not get past the wall they had set up for me. I was finally able to find a crack in the wall and promptly busted through it. Anyway, enjoy and R&amp;R. Thanks! **

**~Lauradane**


	6. The Price of Perfection: Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

_Lauradane_

It had been three months since I last saw the Turtles and life as I knew it had returned to normal. Summer had turned to fall and my sons were beginning their studies for the new school year. My husband had returned to work after fully healing from our ordeal with the Shredder. Life was peaceful once again, but I had to admit that it was also a little boring.

Not that I haven't kept busy. I've been practicing what Leo taught me during our sparring sessions. I still had the katana he gave me and used it during my daily training. I've also been working on meditating like both Master Splinter and Leo taught me. I feel like I'm finally getting the hang of it and I've even managed to contact Leo once or twice in the astral plane.

I wondered how they were doing. Were they finally safe from the Shredder? Were they happy? Healthy? The more I thought about them, the more I missed hanging out with them. I wonder if they'd mind if I visit? I still had the portal device Donnie had made to get my family and I home. Master Splinter had said that we were welcome back any time. Still, I don't think he'd like me to just show up there.

Just then, I got a feeling that something wasn't right. Some would call it woman's intuition or even mother's intuition. I just had a bad feeling. I ran through the house to the dining room table where I had left my sons to do their schoolwork. I breathed a sigh of relief to see them still there. _They're safe and Shredder can't hurt them anymore, _I justified to myself.

Still, I couldn't shake this feeling that something terrible had happened or was going to happen or perhaps even both. I decided to meditate on it. I walked to my room and laid my mat on the floor. I sat on it cross-legged, closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and began meditation.

It was slow at first and I couldn't really see anything. Then pictures began to form in my mind of Leo. He was surrounded by darkness, but it felt as though it was more than just physical darkness. Then, without warning, he was gone. Next, I saw Raph, Donnie, and Mikey. Raph looked really angry, but also a little... sad? Guilty, even? But why? Donnie and Mikey also looked really sad. What was going on?

I gasped as I jolted out of meditation. _That has to be it, _I thought, _But what, exactly?_ The feeling grew stronger, the more I thought about it. Something had happened, and it was big. I had to get to them somehow. Then, I thought about Donnie's portal device. "Perfect!" I said to myself out loud.

I grabbed my bag and began packing things that I thought I could use including extra clothes. I made sure to grab my katana and its sheath as well because there was no telling what might happen when I got there. It was better to always be prepared. Content with what I had packed, I grabbed the portal device and was about to activate it when I remembered that my sons were just in the other room. I couldn't leave them there. I grabbed my phone and dialed my mother's number. Afterward, I brought my sons over, gave her a quick kiss goodbye, and told her that I should be back in a few days. Then, I raced back home.

Upon reaching my room, I grabbed the device once more. I hoped that I remembered the settings that Donnie had told me to use. Then, I activated it. A large flash of light appeared and I was sent through the portal.

_TBC_


End file.
